Shawn giggled lightly at the puppy dog look and shook her head. “Well, I’d say we could try, if you really wanted, the whole nonexclusive thing that way it’s less pressure and whatever but..” Shrugging she moved in closer. “If you’re sure you want this, we can go as slow as you want. We don’t have to jump into anything deep. I mean shit, I’d be cool with talking about nothing more than smuggling drugs and shitty tv with you for however long you want.”
Leilani shrugged “I don’t know what I want.” She admitted. “I mean I do but I don’t it’s complicated.” Leilani laughed “Smuggling drugs was a great moment in my life.” She said winking and cupped her face brushing her thumb across her cheek. “We should talk more I mean we haven’t seen eachother in must and trust me I know I still like you but I don’t want to rush and regret it.” She rambled out before letting out a yawn and burying her face in Shawn’s shirt.
Shawn just laid there attempting to process things for a moment. “Well,” she started in a soft tone, “I’m not scared. We’ve all had shitty relationships. When things get hard it’s easier to run rather than work at fixing anything. You couldn’t mess this up, Lei, because you’re important to me. I never let what I care about just fall the the wayside.” Shawn moved her hand from the side of the girl’s body to lift her chin, looking into Leilani’s eyes. She moved in closer, pecking at the other girl’s lips softly with a slight sigh. “Well you don’t have to feel like shit anymore, alright?”
Leilani nodded “But like relationships mean opening up..I’m not good at that.” She said scrunching up her and laughing.Leilani looked at Shawn with her puppy dog look. She kissed her back and when she pulled back she looked at her and nodded. “Alright.” She whispered along with a small sigh.
Shawn sighed and bit her lip, knowing that anything she said probably wouldn’t really sink in. “I get that it’s complicated which is why I stopped telling you. I get that, for whatever reasons, you aren’t ready for something real or whatever.” The blonde laid on her side, facing Leilani, running a hand slowly up and down her side. “I said I wouldn’t push it and I won’t, but I can’t sit and wait until I’m like eighty, you know? If you just want to be friends, I’m completely okay with that. I just don’t want you to not be in my life.”
Leilani sighed shaking her head and burying it in the crook of her neck. “I know you can’t.” She told her and shrugged. “I just-I know what I want and I know you want it too but I don’t think I’m scared for myself, I’m scared for you..I never was good at relationships they were all shit.” She admitted. “I don’t want you to not be in my life either ever since I left the trip I felt like shit.”
"You’re not, stop." She said reassuringly, gripping Leilani’s hand. "I mean, it happened so, there’s no real point in dwelling on it." Shawn sighed and nodded. Honestly when she first saw the girl at the bar, she didn’t think this would even be a conversation they’d be having. "I know you are… and like I’ve told you before, I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, Lei. I would never just, like, up and leave you.."
Leilani shook her head “Yeah I am.” She muttered under her breath and then nodded in agreement. “Sometimes you can’t help it.” She told her and then sighed shrugging. “I know, I know it’s just complicated.” She said burying her face in her pillow.
"You’re not dumb." Shawn said simply, her hand moving to rest on top of Leilani’s. "Technically, you didn’t do anything wrong. We weren’t an actual couple so.." The blonde shrugged and sigh, her gaze moving to look down at the space between them. "I got the message that’s not what you want and I promise I won’t smother you with how I feel and all that shit tonight."
"I’m really dumb." Leilani took her hand and intertwined their fingers together again. "It doesn’t matter I still should have known better." She told her. Leilani sat up a bit to look at her. "That’s not it, it’s not that I don’t want it, I’m just scared.."
"Did I just call you cute and you didn’t tell me you already knew it? Are you the same girl from Europe?" Teasing, Shawn laughed and poked out her tongue. As Leilani made her way over to the bed, she couldn’t help but let her eyes wander the body of the girl she missed more than she’d admit to. Her head turned to the side to look at the dark haired girl, not really sure what to say. Yet, before she knew it, she was speaking. "I missed you, Lei."
Leilani looked “I’m just drunk okay.” She mumbled. The girl turned and looked a Shawn. She nodded in agreement. “I missed you too, a lot.” She said looking up and she caught her eyes. “I’m really sorry for everything, I literally fucked everything up.” She mumbled. “I’m sorry ‘m dumb.”
Shawn shut the door them and almost instantly started to unzip her dress. Once it was undone, she wriggled out of it and sat on the bed to take off her shoes. She looked at the girl on the floor with a small laugh, shaking her head. “How do you make the dumbest things look cute?” Still laughing, she grabbed a cami from her luggage and slipped in on before sitting back on the bed.
Leilani looked up. “What? These just really hurt.” She said throwing them across the room and rubbing her feel before standing up. She pulled her shorts off and grabbed a scrunchie to put her hair up in a messy bun.She flung her sunglasses somewhere and threw her jacket on the floor before plopping in bed next to Shawn
Shawn laughed and nodded. “Well if she could understand stuff, I’m sure she’d be super excited that her big sister was bringing home her dad.” Nodding again, the blonde lead the way. “I mean, I think we both know how much I hate actually being in clothes so I’m completely okay with this.” Reaching the hotel, Shawn got the door for Leilani and follow in behind her. As they got to the elevator, she looked at the girl standing next to her and smiled softly, still holding her hand. “I’m really glad we bumped into each other.”
Leilani walked into the hotel and held her hand tight not really wanting to let her go again. She glanced at her and smiled back. “Me too.” She said smiling. As the elevator doors opened she let Shawn walk them to her room. When they got in Leilani immediately sat on the floor to pull her heels off.
Shawn nodded slowly, looking down to hide the small blush that she could feel warming her cheeks. “Good to know,” she said quietly, gripping her hand as they walked out. Her gaze went back up, shaking a piece of hair from her face. “That’s huge, Lei. I’m glad you get to see him and bring him home. I can only imagine how happy your family will be having him back.” As they walked, Shawn looked around half confused. “Did you really wanna get food right now or? I mean my hotel is like one block over and there’s a pizza place I saw when I was walking here..”
Leilani laced their fingers together. “Well my mom doesn’t know what’s happening yet and since Gracie is so young she doesn’t get anything at all.” She laughed but nodded. “It’s pretty great though.” She said in agreement. “I really just ant to go back to the hotel my feet are killing me and to be honest I just missed hanging out in my underwear with you.” She teased sticking her tongue out.
"You sure?" Shawn asked trying to not sound too happy about the idea. "I mean I’d be pretty pissed if I was having a night out with you and some random blonde stole you away," she teased as she set her empty glass on the bar. "Well I’m still a tiny bit sober so I think it’s a decent balance, Lei." She smiled and laughed with a nod. "That sounds like a lot of work. Are you staying in Georgia a while or just like less than a day?"
"You’re not just some random blonde though..Casey knows that." She said setting her bottle down and grabbing her hand before walking out of the bar. "No just for an hour we’ll probably get lunch then get on the plane but it’s cool I haven’t seen him much since he got deployed well I havent seen him at all."